Team Road Trip!
by Hanzura
Summary: It was their week-off; they can finally do anything that they want for 7 days straight. It was a chance of leisure, of peace… Until a certain young man destroyed all of the contentment with an adventurous, yet stupid plan. Nine mercs and 7 days of "road tripping", what could possibly go wrong?
1. Chapter 1: A Stupid Plan

Hey yo! I hope you'll enjoy what I've done for the fandom and please give me some reviews. I'd like to hear some feedback from you, it helps me continue on doing this story, so please don't be shy in giving some critique, say what you want to say! :D If there are some mistakes, I promise you, I'll fix it, with the best of my abilities. So, please have fun reading! :D

 ** _Team Fortress 2 belongs to Valve and of course, our Lord Gaben, for giving us a wonderful gift, of making TF2, a Free to Play game._  
**

~~...~~

Chapter 1 Title: A Stupid Plan

It was quite a silent day in Teufort… Weirdly silent… It was the mercs annual "week-off", where they could absolutely do anything they want, in exception of not killing themselves or killing each other. Respawn is also having a vacation at the moment.

Anyways, the mercs were doing their own businesses inside the rec room. Soldier and Demoman are playing "two-way" poker, trading off bullets, some hats and weapons, also some alcohol for some reason. On the other hand, Pyro and Heavy were watching a sitcom, about a young blonde and her "Hollywood dream", muffled and loud laughs, surrounds the area.

Looking out from the window, a certain enigma-of-a-man stood, emitting smoke from the lit cigarette that hung on his mouth. The Frenchman couldn't help but snarl at his team mates, he considers as imbiciles. As he was about to puff some smoke out of his mouth, the Australian Sniper placed his hand on the Frenchman, a face of disapproval plastered on his face. He shrugged the bushman off,

"What do you want, bushman? And stop touching me, my suit will get all your filth." Spy said as he brushed his shoulder with his gloved hand. The Australian gave a low grunt,

"Well, 'ave ya seen the boy? He was suppose ta meet me outside." Sniper gave him a knowing look. Spy shrugged,

"Non, mon ami. I 'ave not seen the boy, ever since the ceasefire. I bet is flirting with Mademoiselle Pauling, again. Do you 'ave any plans for this week?" He replied with a challenging look, smirking at Sniper. Sniper gave a glare in return,

"What do ya mean, ya mongrel? Are ya assuming that we are going to have a romantic getaway?!" Sniper snarled at the Frenchman in front of him, Spy gave him a cheeky smile,

"Oh, it's nothing, mon ami. Just go about your day." He said as he rolled his eyes, facing the window again. Sniper decided that it was best for him to leave the Frenchman alone; he continued his way into the kitchen besides the rec room, to get some coffee.

"DAMN IT! YOU ARE A FILTHY CHEAT! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A ONE-EYED SWINDLER!" The Soldier suddenly accused the drunk and obviously asleep Demoman, he was too drunk to comprehend what was happening, so he decided to doze it off. The American patriot was about to beat the living shit out of Demo, when Engineer walked in. He gave an annoyed look at Soldier, Heavy stepped in, trying to calm the pissed Soldier down.

"I reckon that everyone is doin' well, innit right?" Engineer said as he sat down besides his fire-loving best friend, watching the program flashing through the screen. The Russian bear-man managed to soothe the Soldier down by giving him a talk on American patriotism or something.

A few minutes later, certain swift footsteps were heard, everyone, except for Sniper, cringed.

"Hey, hey, hey! How ya doin' guys?" A fit, Bostonian said as his plopped his ass on the couch between the firebug and hard-hat.

"What is baby doing here?" Heavy inquired. The young man gave him a mocking look, when a fight almost ensues, the German Medic walked in, giving both men a deadly glare.

"Und vhat are ve doing here?" He asked with a monotonous tone. Heavy and Scout ended their "killer stares", breaking some tension in the rec room. The Medic proceeded to the kitchen, probably grabbing a cup of coffee for himself.

Sniper came out from the kitchen, holding a steaming cup of coffee. He sat down besides the drunken Scot, his head resting on playing cards, poker chips and some sort of brownish liquid, which Sniper assumed is Scrumpy.

Scout jogged his way to the Australian, sitting down beside him. He proceeded to stare at the bushman, Sniper noticed this and gave the boy grunt.

"Oi! What do ya want, boy?" He asked as he sipped some coffee. Scout chuckled and wrapped an arm around the older man,

"Well, I thought ya'd rememba our little talk, yesterday." He gave Sniper a cocky look, wiggling his eyebrows in the process. Sniper sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Oh, yeah! I remember, I was lookin' around for ya awhile ago. Did y-…" Sniper stopped in mid sentence.

"Vhat little talk is that, Herr Scout?" Medic walked in on them, both of them stared at the doctor, who sat besides Scout.

"Well, ya know that it's our "week-off, yeah?" He said, the doctor nodded.

"I-I was planning on going to Boston, ya know, visiting Ma and all that. Am I right, Snipes?" Scout stuttered, he nudged Sniper on the chest. Sniper glared at the boy.

"He wanted to go on a road trip, from here to Boston. And he even wanted to-…" He was cut off by Scout, covering his mouth. The Bostonian grinned at the doctor, as if he was caught red-handed. Medic sighed.

"You vanted to go on a road trip…" He shudders.

"Vith us, am I right, Herr Sniper?" He asked, the bushman nodded, biting on Scout's bandaged palm.

"OWWWW! DAMN IT! Ya bit me, ya croc-lover!" Scout shouted as he rubbed his palm. Sniper glared at Scout.

"Well, do ya want to go with us then? It's kinda stupid, though." He asked the doctor, Medic hesitated, he glanced at the other mercs, who in return, gave mixed responses, Pyro and Engie nodded, Spy and Heavy shook their heads, Soldier decided to stay away from this, by poking his sleeping, drunk friend, with his shovel. The Teutonic man gave a long sigh.

"I don't know, Herr Scout… It seems-…" Scout butts in.

"Please come with me, on this road trip, man! I've been planning this thing for a month, and it's even summer! Ya know, we can go out and have fun! I even begged Miss Pauling to let us go, she said that it's fine as long as we don't get killed or kill people! Please, guys! This is playback for all the crap that I did to ya, please?!" Scout pleaded, giving everyone his "puppy-eyed" look. Everyone, excluding Demo, flinched and winced at the sight. Engineer decided to step up.

"Well, I think that it's a mighty fine idea, trottin' around the east side of the States. Give the boy a chance, at least he'll do somethin' good fer us, ain't that right, Scout?" Scout nodded frantically. Engi gave a grin to his team mates.

"Men! Pack yer gear up, we'll go on a road trip!" He proclaimed. All cheered, except for Spy, Heavy and Medic. Demo woke up from his nap.

"Wha?! What ar' we gonna do, lads?" He asked, while looking into an empty bottle of Scrumpy. Soldier pats him on the back.

"Private! We are going on a trek across the beautiful East Coast of the United States! HUTTAH!" Soldier nudged his friend to stand up.

"Men, pack up for this mission! This is going to be a glorious trip! Looking at the beauty of our beloved United States! We'll leave at 0700 hours this evening, with that! TEN HUT! DISMISSED!" Everyone, even Spy, went along with this plan, leaving the rec room. Heavy made his way to his good friend, whose eyes were wide as saucers, behind his spectacles.

"Is doktor fine?" He asked as he placed his large hand on the doctor's shoulder.

"Mein Gött, 7 days, stuck with 8 men, who are notorious killers, driving across the States. Mein freund, ve should pack a lot of medical supplies. Zis is going to be gruesome!" Medic panicked, his Russian friend nodded.

"да, let's go now, doktor." He said as both men rushed to the med bay, praying that nothing deadly will happen on this trip. 

**_Author's Stupid Notes:_  
**  
Hey yo! I finally started something for the Team Fortress 2 fandom, yay! :D I've been planning on writing this damn thing for 2 years and I finally have the courage to publish it. I don't know if someone had thought of this type of story and had written it, earlier than that of mine, I assure you I have not stolen or swindled any of your idea/s, so please don't kill me! Also, please review! I'd love to see how'd you react with this thing I came up with. If you don't like it, I'll probably take it down, but if you do like, I'll continue posting new chapters. So, with that said, see you on the next update! ~Hanzura


	2. Chapter 2: Let the Road Trip commence!

Hey yo! Well, I never thought that some people would like this and I thank you for taking your time on reading it. I'll try replying to all of the reviews, your criticism, either positive or negative, gives me life. I'll be posting 2 chapters, since both of them are kinda short, so here it goes! :D

 _ **Team Fortress 2 belongs to Valve and of course, our Lord Gaben, for giving us a wonderful gift, of making TF2, a Free to Play game.**_

 _ **~~...~~**_

Chapter 2 Title: Let the Road Trip commence!

Dinner has ended, the Mercs started to pile all the things that were necessary for their trip. All of them, expect for Pyro, wore casual clothing, of course with a hint of their team color.

 _*Scout was wearing his typical merc clothing, but with an additional denim jacket._

 _*Soldier decided to wear a Hawaiian shirt, with red palm tree designs on it and disregarding his boots, he wore yellow flip flops._

 _*Demo wore a red polo shirt and dark blue slacks. He is still wearing his black beanie; he seems to be attached to it._

 _*Heavy is still wearing his merc clothing, minus his bulletproof vest and fingerless gloves._

 _*Engi, keeping it Texan, with his cowboy attire, a red plaid dress shirt, denim bell-bottoms, genuine leather boots and a white ten-gallon hat._

 _*Medic is still wearing his merc clothing, disregarding his coat, vest and tie. He wore a red sweater on top of his dress shirt._

 _*Sniper decided to wear a black dress shirt, with red buttons. He paired it with denim bell-bottom jeans. He, of course, brought his trusty slouch hat._

 _*Spy is still wearing his usual attire, minus his balaclava. It seems that he took it off, for the sake of not being suspicious to the public._

They decided to take 3 three vehicles to their travel, the Red Bread van, Sniper's camper van and Engi's truck. Spy decided that they should be separated equally and/ or by three's.

They drew out slips of paper with their names inside a bucket, the first team consists of Soldier, Heavy and Spy, much to his distaste, Spy just rolled with it at least his not stuck with the noisy Bostonian or the filthy bushman. They agreed that they'll ride on the Red Bread van,

"BOTH OF YOU WILL BE STAYING WITH ME! YOU'LL APPRECIATE THE BEAUTY THAT AMERICA HAS TO OFFER!" The Soldier announced proudly as he marched towards his colleagues.

Scout, Demoman and Sniper were in the second team, the three of them cheered. Considering that Sniper has his van, they decided to use it.

"Ohhhooohhh, man! Dis is gonna be good!" Scout exclaimed as he, Demoman and Sniper gave each other high-fives.

The final team consists of Pyro, Engineer and Medic, Pyro ran towards his team mates, giving them a bone-crushing hug, Engineer patted his friend on the back, while Medic tried to pull away from the hug. They're left with Engi's truck.

"Mrrrddddiiiffff! Mnnnnggggeee!" Pyro mumbled excitedly.

The Mercs proceeded to their assigned vehicles, packing up all their things and getting settled for the long journey ahead.

"Whooooweee! Well, that's all settled then, Snipes, ya drive ahead. Heavy, ya stay in the middle, just follow Snipes, okay? And my team will be last, is that alright to y'all?" Everyone nodded.

"We'll not stop driving until one of our vehicles broke down or until we reach Oklahoma, we'll take a short stop there and continue our way to Illinois, probably in 20 hours tops. From then on, we'll be discussing on how to get to Boston. Got it?" Engi said as he made his way to his truck with Medic and Pyro, behind his tail. Everyone nodded and continued their businesses.

A few minutes past, they were ready to go, the men cheered as they left Teufort, making their way to Oklahoma. This is going to be a great one!

~~…~~

 _Author's Stupid Notes:_

Hey yo!

I'm sorry with all the mercs' clothing, since I decided to add them, so at least, you can imagine what they would be wearing outside the base and outside Teufort. I'm not that kind of person who likes describing clothes and such, so bear with me. xD

I made Pyro male, since I believe his is one. I tried my best on researching how to get from New Mexico to Boston, and I don't know if I'm correct (Since, I'm not from the USA…), so tell me if I did something wrong.

I do enjoy reviews, so keep them coming! :D ~Hanzura


	3. Chapter 3: The Sniper's camper van

Hey yo! :D Wow! Two chapters in a day! Yep, I decided that if I made short chapters, I'd post two of them in one update, but I'll still leave some cliffhangers and such. So, let's go! :D

 _ **Team Fortress 2 belongs to Valve and of course, our Lord Gaben, for giving us a wonderful gift, of making TF2, a Free to Play game.**_

~~...~~

Chapter 3 Title: The Sniper's camper van

Three hours later, the RED team were still in New Mexico, Oklahoma is still hours away, it was almost 11 in the evening. The team was led by Sniper, with Scout and Demoman in the van, both of them decided to keep Sniper in company in front, even though he said that it was fine for them to stay at the back.

Demoman was on a drunken rampage, debating with Scout, about something with the kilt.

"I tell ye man! The kilt is a god-send fer us, Scots! An' don't ye dare disrespect it!" The drunken Scot said as he took another swig of his good ol' Scrumpy.

"C'mon, man! It's a damn plaid skirt! Why'd ya feel proud in wearing 'em?!" Scout replied smacking the Scotsman on the forehead.

Annoyed, Sniper turned on the radio, cracking up some Jimi Hendrix, as Scout threatened to punch the Scot, both of them calmed down listening to Hendrix's guitar riffs.

"Ayy! Even though, we 'ave some disagreements with each other, Jimi always knows wha' tae do, aye?" The drunken Demo said as he looked out of the window besides him, snoring loudly, as he drifted to sleep. Sniper chuckled at his companions' situation.

"Well, that would make ya two wankers shut up, fo' once." He said, shifting his gaze onto the road in front of them. Scout heavily sighed as he raised his feet above the vehicle's glove box. Sniper slapped the boy's knees,

"Oi! Don't do that! Ya might break the damn van!" The Australian exclaimed, Scout flipped him off, at least complying with the bushman's order.

Scout reached down to grab his back pack, taking out a latest copy of a 'Flash' comic book and two cans of Bonk!, which he handed one to Sniper. Sniper took it and gave the boy a nod of appreciation.

"Even though, I don't need it. Thanks mate." He said as he placed the can into a cup holder,

"Yeah, yeah! I taught dat ya might need it, sometime later'. An' dis dummy ova' here, is out cold!" Scout replied as he started 'reading' his comic book, humming to Jimi Hendrix's Purple Haze.

"This is going to be a long trip…" Sniper thought, as he continued staring at the road in front of them.

~~…~~

 _Author's Stupid Notes:_

Hey yo! :D

If you can notice, I grouped them up into 3's, but I took at least one from each class role (Offense, Defense and Support).

I seriously have, like a cup with paper strips (With the mercs' names written on them) in it. I just pull out the names, so you get like random classes every time. It's basically the 'Random Character Select in a cup'. xD

I did it so we could see how they would react with one another, ya know? But on some occasions, I won't be using the 'Random Character Select in a cup', in some parts, since it's kinda meh in the story, so yeah!

I'll be updating soon and chapter 4 will be a short one, since the 5th chapter will be a bit longer, so one chapter next update! :D See you on the next chapter! ~Hanzura


	4. Chapter 4: The Red Bread van

Hey yo! :D As I said before, I'll be publishing one chapter, but then I decided to just give you two more, ya know? So that I have more time fixing other future chapters, also sorry for the late update as well, I've been sick for the past few weeks, and a piano recital decided to disturb my schedule…

Welp, sorry to bother you… Here it goes!

 _ **Team Fortress 2 belongs to Valve and of course, our Lord Gaben, for giving us a wonderful gift, of making TF2, a Free to Play game.**_

~~...~~ _ **  
**_

Chapter 4 Title: The RED Bread van

"AHHH! WE HAVE ENTERED A NEW STATE, MEN! OKLAHOMA, THE SOONER STATE OF THE UNITED STATES!" Soldier shouted, it was early in the morning, 4 a.m. to be exact. Heavy was still driving and there's no sign of him stopping. Spy decided to stay inside of the truck, to get his 'beauty' rest, at least he didn't wake up to the sound of the patriot's announcement.

Heavy sighed at his team mate's antics. He glanced at the Soldier, whose head is sticking out of the opening beside him, it was suppose to be a door, but Demo decided to bomb the damn thing, so it's bye-bye door.

"At least baby man is not jumping inside truck." Heavy thought to himself, as Soldier sat back down to his chair, lighting up a cigar.

"IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MORNING TO APPRECIATE AMERICA'S BEAUTY, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, PRIVATE?!" Soldier said as looked the Russian bear besides him, grinning like a maniac. Heavy noticed this and gave the Soldier a weak smile.

"Yes, is good day to." Heavy replied while yawning. The American, for some reason, took pity for Heavy, giving him a pat on the back.

"Don't worry, Soldier. You did well serving for our country. I'll take the next shift later, is that clear?" He asked, receiving a nod from the tanker.

"дa, thank you. We make good team." He replied, giving a thumbs-up to Soldier. Soldier chuckled.

"You make America proud, son. Well, since the road is still long, let me tell you about the time I was preached by the Sun Tzu himself!" Soldier declared as he told his story in a very dramatic and… Impossible way, little did they know, a certain French Spy was listening to their conversation. He snickered.

"This is going to be an interesting trip…" He thought to himself as he returned to the small bed in the truck, tucking himself in. He pulled out a small worn-out picture. Spy stared at it.

"How am I going to say this to him?" He whispered to himself, sighing he placed it back into his pocket. His eyes fluttered shut, as he tried to sleep again, until…

"PRIVATE! BETTER WAKE YOUR LAZY FRENCH ASS UP, BEFORE I SMACK YOU AWAKE, WITH MY HIPPIE DETECTOR... ERRR, FLIP FLOP!" Soldier shouted as he proceeded to pull the Frenchman out of the bed, whacking him with his almighty flip flop. The Frenchman was startled awake.

"N'AS-TU PAS ENVIE DE ME TOUCHER!" Spy shouted back, but it was too late.

"Heavy is going to enjoy this trip." Heavy thought as he continued driving, with a big grin, plastered on his face.

~~...~~

 _Author's Stupid Notes:_

Hey yo! :D

 **Translation:**

"N'AS-TU PAS ENVIE DE ME TOUCHER!" (via Google Translate, IDK if it's right… xD)

"Don't you dare touch me!"

Ahahahah, ripntear045771! You've noticed the flip flop thing! xD Good job!

I really don't know if you like where the story's direction is going at and at this point, I think that I really need a lot of opinions for this.

It's just the beginning, but we'll see where this will take us, yeah? So, here comes the next chapter! :D ~Hanzura


	5. Chapter 5: The Engi's truck

Here's another chapter! Enjoy… c:

 _ **Team Fortress 2 belongs to Valve and of course, our Lord Gaben, for giving us a wonderful gift, of making TF2, a Free to Play game**_

~~...~~

Chapter 5 Title: The Engineer's truck

The sun was rising, when the Medic woke up, he glanced at his companions, the firebug, clutching a pink, stuffed unicorn was heavily breathing through his suit, it seems that he is still asleep.

"Ain't it a beautiful mornin', doc?" The Texan Engineer greeted, he glanced at the Medic, who was staring at him.

"Ahhh, j-ja! It's a very gut morning, indeed." He replied as he reached down to grab his leather satchel, he pulled out a small medicine bottle, and popped two pills into his mouth. Engi gave him a confused look. Medic shrugged.

"Aspirin, don't vorry, it's just a headache, mein freund. Just vorry about the road, ja?" He said as he placed the satchel back.

A few moments of silence, the Pyro between them, stirred, with a big, muffled yawn and outstretched arms, he finally woke up. Pyro glanced at the two men besides him; Pyro gave a small wave to both of them and greeted them with a muffled 'Good Morning'.

"Mornin', Py."

"Guten Morgen, Herr Pyro."

Pyro chuckled as he proceeded to play with his stuffed animal, his lighter and matches were captured by Engi, to ensure that nothing bad or 'fiery' will happen to them, at least they let him take his balloonicorn with him. He was then talking to Engi, much to Medic's confusion; Engi gave him translations to what the firebug was saying.

"Ohh, you're hungry? Well, don't ya worry, partner. We'll be arriving to our stop in no time." He said, giving Pyro a grin. Pyro clapped his hands with glee. He then faced the doctor, talking to him excitedly. Medic raised an eyebrow. Engi butts in.

"Py, over here, is askin' ya if ya want to PLAY a little game with him, ya know? To pass the time?" Engineer said, emphasizing the word, 'play'. He chuckled. Medic grew a bit anxious, but complied with the firebug's request. He doesn't want to hurt Pyro's feelings. He sighed and raised his hands in defeat.

"Fine, I'll play your childish game. Vhat is it anyvay?" The German asked, looking at what the Pyro's doing. He shoved the Medic back into his seat, grab something from the glove box, he pulled out two sheets of paper and two markers. Medic was pretty sure he saw more stacks of paper in there. Pyro mumbled happily as he handed a sheet of paper and a marker.

Medic studied the paper that was handed to him, 5 rows and columns were stacked up on each other forming a bigger square, colorful drawings of random objects were inside the small squares, except for the middle square, the word 'Space' was written in the middle. The words, 'Road Trip BINGO' were written above the figure.

"Road Trip BINGO? Vell, vhat are ze rules then, Herr Pyro?" He asked. The firebug, thought about it, then mumbled to Engi his answer. Engi laughed, slapping his knee in the process.

"All fer that, Py? Are ya sure?" Pyro nodded.

"Well, doc. If Py, here won, he wants ta change seats with ya." Engi said. Pyro nodded in agreement. Medic smirked.

"Vell, if I win, you'll let me 'research' on you, just a little bit, ja? Is it a deal?" Medic grinned at the firebug, he reached a hand out to Pyro. He hesitated for a bit, but accepted the doctor's proposition.

"Whhhoooweee! Let the Battle of the Road Trip BINGO commence!" Engi announced as his team mates, suddenly stared the windows near them.

"I hope I will win this. I don't want to be touched by that crazy doctor!" Pyro thought to himself.

"I need to win this! Discoveries for science must not stop!" Medic thought, he finally saw a bird, an item in his BINGO list. He grinned evilly.

"Strike one, for ze doctor!" Medic announced happily. Earning a mumbled "What?!" from the firebug. Oh, Pyro is going to get it!

~~...~~

 _Author's Stupid Notes:_

Hey yo! :D

I'm really sorry for the late update, a lot of things are bothering me right now and I had no time and energy to write my story. I'll probably update again, in two or three weeks, I really don't know, but we'll see, yeah? c:

Also, if you have anything to say about the fanfic, feel free to say anything. It helps me in making and fixing this story of mine…

Well, see you on the next update! :D ~Hanzura


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